Nettle
by phollie
Summary: ..."I knew my place and I stuck to it; I didn't push those that were trying to do their jobs to the brink of insanity with buckets of sugar cubes and hour-long stares and..." Another Aizawa rant fic, this time aimed at our dear L. Rated for language.


**And here comes a fresh new Aizawa rant!fic…I really do love these after writing "Imposter". This time, I wanted him to verbally abuse L instead of Light…which pained me. I love my L…but hell, we all know Aizawa didn't. **

**Still, I tried to throw in little comments that would show that he did indeed respect him. It wasn't all hate in that Aizawa heart of his.**

**I don't own Death Note. **

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_nettle: to irritate, annoy, or provoke._

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You have no idea how much I can't stand you.

You just sit there, _sitting, _in your stupid chair as if it's a throne and looking at us as if we're the most useless idiots you've ever met in your life.

Do you know how much older I am than you? Of course, you won't tell us your real age, and even though you try so hard to seem so…so _big_, I can tell just by looking at you that you're a kid compared to me. You'll meet so many more idiots in your life if you actually ever stepped out into the world instead of cooping yourself up like a stupid little bird that scares the other birds with its stupid gazing until they plop a shit on someone's car. Normally, _my _car.

I have a wife and daughter. I've been married for…god, it feels too long. In all the years that I've been married, you've still been a kid.

I wonder why you don't just stand up and tell us all to get the hell out. Do you curse, Ryuzaki? Do you get_ angry_ when things don't go your way? Hell, do you feel _anything_ but the drive to catch Kira?

I already pity the woman who might ever marry you.

Shit, who am I kidding on that one? You don't even trust us, your partners; how could you trust a woman with even one inch of your mind? She'd be even more of a nutcase than you are, wouldn't she?

I don't get you. I don't even try to anymore, because for all these months of working and working and _fucking working_ for ages with you has managed to destroy the one remaining brain cell that could have been used to understand you. And why do I bother? I think Matsuda would have a better answer to that than I would. Maybe it would make waking up from an hour or two of sleep so much easier because I wouldn't have to think about what new freakish move you might take to send me flying off the edge of my wits.

Christ…

You just _piss me off_, Ryuzaki. I don't think you've ever been pissed off in your life. I wish I could make you know what it's like, to almost fucking lose your mind because of someone's stupid little mannerisms.

The way you talk makes me cringe. The way you sit makes me want to throw my chair at your face and punch something, or someone. Perhaps Matsuda, whoever would step in my way. The way you think you can solve every little problem that pops up in the world just…dammit. You can't solve the case by blaming Light for any instance that happens in the world. And if he is in fact Kira like you've been pushing us to think (even his own father, for shit's sake), then you've done a pretty good job of leading him right into the dream position to _kill us all!_

I need to breathe…I just need to-

And that's another thing! How and why do you stay so goddamn calm in the midst of tracking down a murderer who can kill with just a name and face? You're L. L L L. Do you ever forget about this?

No. _Hell _no. Your arrogance refuses to let you do that, right?

That's right, I said it, Ryuzaki. You're an arrogant ass who sits like an idiot and makes me glad I don't have an IQ of six hundred. Because if I did, I'd be more of an annoying little prick than even I can imagine. More than Matsuda on a coffee high. More than you on a normal day.

I can see you a few feet away, staring at Light as if he's grown a second head that smiles at you. I wonder if he detests you as much as I do sometimes. I wonder if he puts up with you better than I do, if he snaps at you or ever wishes to pull your hair out that you probably haven't washed in twenty odd years.

Or if he ever questions why he's here.

I shouldn't even bother getting into that. I won't give you the opportunity to remind me of how you're always right.

You're a kid with lots of brains, Ryuzaki. You're a kid with his head a little too deep into his own shit, and for that, I detest you. I can't _stand_ you, because I couldn't have been more different at your age, whatever age you are. I knew my place and I stuck to it; I didn't push those that were trying to do their jobs to the brink of insanity with buckets of sugar cubes and hour-long stares and - and, _fuck. _

I need to go take a walk.

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**Reviews are highly appreciated!**

**Until next time.**

**phollie.**


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